- The fact there is trouble or conflict in your marriage does not mean it is not healthy.
- Sometimes God glorifies Himself in spite of the conflict.
Important facts to know about marriage
- God is the author of marriage. It wasn't put together by anyone else (Genesis 2:18).
- If your marriage is going to be successful, the instructions must be strictly from God.
- The reason most people have problems in their marriages is as a result of not relying on the instruction of God for their marriages.
- Ephesians 5:21-25 shows the requirements for husband and wife to live together successfully.
- Marriages are built on covenants not contracts. A covenant is based on love which is the cord on which marriage is built on. Whereas, a contract is built on law.
- Love can be blind, deaf, and dumb. A good marriage is one where the wife is blind, and the husband is deaf and dumb.
- It's not everything that comes that you see; and it's not everything you see, that you talk about.
- A covenant is motivated by commitment. When you put this in mind, you will be committed to make things work despite issues.
- A contract on the other hand, is motivated by compulsion.
- A covenant is till the end of our lives but contract allows for free entrance and exit. With this in mind, when conflict comes you know how to stand because you are committed for life.
- In a covenant, whatsoever is yours is mine but in contracts; everybody protects their own.
- In covenants, you prepare for life together but in contracts everybody prepares on their own.
Areas that normally cause conflict in marriage
NB: Build your home upon Jesus Matthew 7:24
1.) Finances. The way we handle, manage and receive money as husband and wife.
- You and your spouse must be sincere (Genesis 2:25) when handling finances. There should be covering up when handling money. There should be the fear of God.
2.) Work and career. The way you handle your career can attack your union directly. E.g not having time or space for anything in your home. This will lead to trouble and opening the door for whore-mongers or strangers to come in.
3.) External factors. Allowing people, places or things from outside to negatively influence the marriage. E.g attachment to parents, locations etc.
4.) Sex. And the products of it E.g sexless marriage, delay in having kids. If God has not blessed you with a child, He surely will. So, continue with your marriage, be patient and focused.
Don't let delay in child bearing affect your union. Cherish it above any blessing God can bring.
5.) House keeping. Women and men must learn to be neat, keep the house in order etc. Don't relax and say " I have what I want (a spouse)" and then you don't bath or brush on time.
- Rain, storm, wind will come in your marriage but with God, you and your wife will handle it well.
- God said to honor your parents, not that you should love them more than your spouse.
- It is in trouble that you get closer to, and know your spouse more.
How to handle trouble in marriage
- Don't allow money, friends, external influence or career to come between you and your spouse.
- Do not allow trouble to scatter your union
- Love should be the binding force that keeps you when storms come (1 Corinthians chapter 13). Study the qualities of love to see what you don't currently exhibit and need to work on.
- Don't insult your spouse openly, don't dishonor each other.
- Don't keep record of wrong done by your spouse.
- Don't focus on evil aspects of your spouse.
- Maintain hope in your spouse no matter what they are now.
How to resolve conflict
1.) Focus on your strong points. The positive things that bind you together. Don't ever take your eyes away from what made you initially attracted to your spouse. These things though can fade away so top-up.
2.) Learn how to communicate to each other. Lack of it is a threat to your marriage. Be open to each other and don't make assumptions.
3.) Understand each other. Study yourselves well and know your spouse. Your spouse is your project so you can achieve God's purpose for your lives.
4.) Cut off all attachments. Friends, outsiders, influencing parents, past places. Don't confide in any outsider. Settle everything with your spouse.
5.) Forgiveness. Both large and small offences. Nothing is too big to forgive.
6.) Be the life in your marriage. When you are around let your spouse be happy.
7.) Humble yourself. Love your wife as a husband and submit to your hubby as a wife. Both work hand in hand. If you want your wife to submit to you, you must love her. If you want your husband to love you, you must genuinely submit to him from inside yourself.
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