Excerpts
Ephesians 5:22-24,33
The words love and submission trigger mindsets in various people due to past negative experiences. But the bible says nevertheless the word of God standeth strong on its foundation. The word of God cannot bend because of people’s individual opinions.
Usually, when people go into God's word it's not to get information for transformation, but for an arsenal to use against their partners.
Wives go into Ephesians 5 and see “Husbands love your wives!” and husbands go in and take out “Wives submit!”
God knowing fully well how He has wired us; gave us an assignment to bring joy and fulfillment to each other.
All that a woman needs is to be loved & all that a man needs is to be honored.
So God made it a command for the woman to honor the man and the man to love the woman in marriage because He knows that's what the individual parties need.
No condition was put in the Ephesians 5 for women's submission. He didn't say “submit if your husband loves you”; so whether your husband loves you or not your submission is unquestionable.
Not because he is a good man. It is easier to submit to a good man but even if he is a bad man you still have to submit because that is the commandment of God.
As a man, even when you do all you can to love your wife and she doesn't honour you - you continue to love. You don't love so that she can respect or honour you - in the same vein - a woman should keep submitting even when the husband refuses to change.
Move from patience to endurance and, from endurance to long suffering.
There is enough grace because, the commandments of God are not grievous.
There is grace to back up the command when you honor God he honors you.
There are different classes of women when it comes to submission;
1.) Women that don't believe in submission at all - because as far as they are concerned, to submit means you are weaker or inferior. But the bible does not say men and women are better than each other.
We are different from each other and equal in the sight of God.
None of the two are more valuable than the other, but for structure and order because whatever has two heads is a monster and not normal; God had to put someone in charge.
If there are seven people in a car there can only be one driver. That one person is driving doesn’t mean the others can't but that they have to bow to someone's position.
Man being the head is about position and responsibility, not that he is better than the woman. When you see a woman that can never stay in a man's house you will know.
If you don't believe in being submitted to a man or being submitted to Authority don't bother to marry because the very minute you marry you are called to the Ministry of submission.
2.) There are those who only submit externally but they are rebels on the inside - in church they submit but at home they will rebel against their husbands. Obedience is an act, submission is an attitude.
You can obey without being submissive.
Many people obey externally but in their hearts they do not have the attitude of submission and reverence.
3.) Those who are over-submissive to the point they can even submit to abuse - God says to submit to your husband "in the Lord"- when your husband gets to a point where he begins to manifest demonic or anti-covenant attitudes, it is time for an intervention to deliver him from his insanity (for example demanding acts of intimate perversion from you).
4.) The people that believe God's word, know that they should submit and do so -
The challenge in women submitting is due to witnessing negative experiences of their parents and or receiving negative counsel from them.
In this world, when women are going into marriage they receive lots of counsel from various sources; more than men.
Many people grew up in families with parents that did not experience love.
In african families, some people get wives from the village who they marry in a short space of time and stay married for 30 years plus with no affection.
The woman stays because of the children and because she is not economically empowered.
Many ladies grew up in such families so when getting married, their mother sows an evil seed in their life based on her own bad experiences.
Advice such as “never trust a man” or “men are the same”; is that in the bible? No.
Your mother may be born again and spirit- filled but used by the devil.
They may be in church but church is not in them.
They may come to church but visit babalawo on the side.
The software will start operating in your life (“don't take poo from any man” e.t.c.).
Also, many ladies grew up in homes with terrible fathers and saw them beat their mothers, insult, abuse etc. and unconsciously vow that no man will ever do the same to them.
But, when they enter biblical marriages they have come with an evil vow. When you are set for a fight with your weapons ready, even when there's no fight you will create one.
You will create problems where there's none thereby confusing the man.
Submission is not weakness or inferiority, but a sign of strength.
Submission is a mission supporting or serving as the foundation to the main mission so it doesn't die.
The man is the head while you are the neck.
The head can't move without the neck but when you are stiff-necked then the head can only move with pain and pressure.
Women should never try to manipulate, control, intimidate or rule a man.
7 helpful tips to become a submissive helper
1.) Learn to affirm and celebrate your husband's successes and relegate his failures - whatever you concentrate on is amplified. Rewarded behaviors (good or bad) are often repeated.
2.) Love your spouse in season and out of season - Make love to him in season and out of season even when the conditions are not right and you don't feel attracted. You don't have to feel like it; it's what you signed for because, if you always wait for perfect conditions you will never get anything done.
In the book called 'Covenant marriage’ the female author believed that intimacy must be spontaneous while her Pastor preached that it should be planned.
When she didn't have it (sex) for 4 months due to her beliefs, she changed her mind to the Pastor's view.
As a wife, the only thing you can do for your husband that no one else can without it being a sin is intimacy. He can get a cook, cleaner, child nanny, e.t.c. so if you deprive him of it you are not a real wife.
3.) Manage the two T’s effectively (timing and tone) - You have to stoop to conquer. Don't choose the wrong time to bring up issues.
Learn to understand the psychology of the season in your home.
People in authority (husbands) can speak in rebuke but not the helper.
Don't speak with a tone of finality - you will stir up his ego if you do so.
4.) Never take your man for granted - True Christian men have made a commitment to not sleep around or be abusive e.t.c.
But, when men do this they become vulnerable and gullible to the manipulation of a woman.
A lot of woman instead of celebrating that good man, take him for granted. The man is the head of the home take it or leave it.
Respect and humble yourself because the law of diminishing returns is at work for women.
As they bear children their market value is being adjusted whereas a man of 70 years old can marry a fresh graduate so do not take your man for granted because there's a devil that can arise in him (e.g. Peter in the bible when rebuked by Jesus).
5.) Make sure you avoid the nevers of life
i. Never shout on a man it is not feminine but rascally.
ii. Never compare your man to another man.
iii. Never argue with a man, state your points but don't trigger his adamic nature. ego by arguing with him. Proverbs 14:1
iv. Never control, manipulate, or mother your husband.
6.) Never treat your husband lower than your pastor, father, boss, or authority figure in your life - Many women's husband don't come to church because they respect their pastors more than their husbands who financially take care of them.
7.) Make your house a home, fight for your home - A man rents a house, a woman turns it into a home. Fight for your home on your knees in the place of prayer.
Prayers
1.) Lord I receive grace to be a submissive helper
2.) Lord make me a testimony of a submissive helper
3) Give thanks to God.
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