Some Facts
- Many people who think they are waiting on God are actually wasting time.
- The fruitfulness and productivity of activities you are doing will determine whether you are waiting for a marital breakthrough or wasting.
- For you to get something, you must become something before it is given to you (Numbers 11:16-17).
Nobody is going to give you something if you're not prepared for it.
Proverbs 18:22 does not say he who finds a good woman. So a woman or man must translate to becoming a wife or husband before it is handed to you.
- The question to ask yourself is "Am I just a man or a husband?"
Factors to consider
1.) Are you an asset or a liability? Assets increase in value while liabilities reduce in value.
Are you improving yourself? Are you preparing yourself to be a wife or husband or just going with the flow?
Have you read any book on marriage or attended seminars on marriage?
These are the things you need to do to translate from being a man or woman to a husband or wife.
You need to make adequate preparation financially, spiritually, mentally.
You can get married on the premise of "When I get to that bridge we will solve it."
You have to get yourself prepared.
- Identify your strengths or weaknesses and do something about them.
- Improve your spiritual life. The best time to do this is before marriage because a lot of responsibilities will come in which will affect your prayer life.
If you have not properly built your prayer life as a single person, it will affect when you eventually get married. It is going to reduce small and that's why you need to get yourself prepared.
- Do everything that you can to improve and become a better version of yourself. Read your bible more, fast more, pray more. Do as many things as you can while single as these activities will help you transition from a man or woman to a husband or wife.
- Not every woman is a wife nor every man a husband.
2.) Character - One of the biggest problems in marriage is character. Character as described by the dictionary is the mental and moral quality of a person.
How you respond, react, receive things. How you behave, think, feel etc. If you're going to marry, you need to work on your character.
- Are you the type of person who the person which you are waiting for, is waiting for?
- Do you have the character traits you are looking for in a man or woman before you say I do?
- If you eventually meet the person, will they see those things you are looking for in you?
Questions to answer on character
i.) Accountability - Are there people you are accountable to? Ladies if your suitor has nobody he can be reported to, leading him to calm down, you need to go and re-pray.
One of the most dangerous times in a man's life is when he's not accountable to anybody. When no one can talk to him and he will listen; that is a dangerous man.
ii.) Integrity - It doesn't happen by accident but has to be built. Be intentional about your life and the kind of programming you fill your mind with. Integrity will take you far in marriage.
People need to be able to look at you and say this is a man or woman of integrity.
When integrity is absent in either partner, someone can come and say something about them which creates problems in the marriage (e.g. I saw your husband/wife doing...at...place").
iii.) Value propositions - What are the things that you regard very highly? Is it money or virtue? Would you turn a blind eye to something that is wrong once money or other forms of gratification are put on the table?
Will you forget about all the sermons you've heard or the dreams, visions and warnings you've been getting once some form of gratification is involved?
iv.) Self-discipline - Doing what is right over what is easy or convenient. You must know how to manage people and resources.
You need to learn these things in transiting from a man or woman to a husband or wife. You'll have to manage your spouse, home, children.
You'll have to juggle your career and home, draw up a time table for your children etc.
It's a whole lot when you're married but if you're not disciplined now you'll be mixing up a lot of things and missing a lot of things.
v.) Humility - God Himself dislikes proud people. You need a lot of humility in marriage. Just because you're the head of the house doesn't mean you know everything as the husband.
As for women, the area of submission is where a lot of marriages are having problems in the current generation.
As a man, you need to learn how to be humble enough to get inspiration from the people under your care. Try as much as possible to humble yourself regardless of the situation. It doesn't matter how much you have, where you are from, your status etc. Humility is key. If you are a humble person, God will lift you up.
Red flags
If you notice red flags, take a walk;
1.) If the person does not fear God (Atheists, free-thinkers, abusers of men of God).
2.) Someone who is not committed to the things of God.
3.) Someone who is selfish. It's all about them. This person won't be able to manage you, or a home.
4.) Someone who doesn't want to build a friendship but is just asking for marriage. You need to know each other.
5.) Someone who is very aggressive and anger-filled. If he or she is aggressive now, when they marry you; they will be super-aggressive.
Q&A
1.) Should you marry someone who is Godly but you're not attracted to?
Ans: No. There must be some level of attraction.
2.) Should your Pastor or Prophet choose a spouse for you?
Ans: No, they can't see the bad or good traits the person has and won't live in the marriage with you.
3.) How do you go into a relationship?
Ans: Marriage is not rocket science. Do not have a fear of getting it wrong or, you will get it wrong. If you see someone you like, pray and ask God.
- Get spiritual brethren to pray along with you but their opinion shouldn't supersede yours.
- Expose the person to your community of Church friends and family so that people can notice what you can't see.
- Spend quality time with the person in doing spiritual things, in praying together, hanging out in non-enclosed sociable places.
- No courtship should be more than six months.
4.) What's the stance on marrying a divorcee whose former spouse is now remarried?
Ans: Speak with your Pastor for guidance on principles or doctrines for dealing with that after you've gotten confirmation to go ahead in the place of prayer.
5.) Should a female ever take the first step in initiating a relationship?
Ans: No (Proverbs 18:22). But..the lady can use a third party to discern interest and encourage the man to make a move if she has received confirmation spiritually about him as a potential husband.
6.) Some character traits can be hidden in courtship but come out during marriage. How can one handle or resolve the situation amicably?
Ans: Character is an accumulation of the choices you make. It can be changed if the person is willing.
Ways it can be worked on;
i.) Prayer
ii.) Seeking help or counsel
iii.) Study about your weakness
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