Anointed Book Summary: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greeves
"WHOEVER LOVES instruction and correction loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is like a brute beast, stupid and indiscriminating." -Proverbs 12:1 [AMPC]
Chapters 1 & 2: Defining Emotional Intelligence and Why It’s Important
The authors start by contrasting how important EQ is to success with how much attention we tend to give it. Here are some stats:
- People with average IQs outperform people with high IQs 70% of the time
- EQ has zero correlation with IQ
- EQ accounts for about 58% of performance in most jobs
- People with high EQ make $29,000 more than people with low EQ, on average
- EQ point increases are highly correlated with salary ($1,300 increase per point)
Unlike IQ, you can substantially increase your EQ with effort. Because of our brains’ wiring, it’s a biological fact that our first reaction to any event will be an emotional one, but only 36% of people are able to accurately identify their own emotions as they happen.
So what exactly is EQ? According to the authors, “Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.”
Chapter 3: A Framework for Understanding, Measuring, and Improving EQ
While the authors’ EQ framework isn’t incredibly complex, the graph they present for visualization is helpful:
People high in self awareness understand what they do well, what motivates and satisfies them, and which people and situations push their buttons. This is the foundational emotional intelligence skill.
The next component of EQ builds upon self awareness. Per the authors, “Self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively.” This involves your ability to put your immediate needs aside to focus on long-term goals.
Social awareness is the ability to recognize emotions in other people and understand what is really happening in a situation. In contrast to the natural tendency to think about what you’re going to say next or try to anticipate what the other person will say, someone who is high in social awareness has a perspective much like an anthropologist’s – objectively observing and understanding human behavior.
The final and most complex part of EQ is relationship management – using your awareness of emotions to successfully manage your interactions, both in the moment and over time.
Chapter 4: Measuring EQ & Creating a Plan to Boost It
The authors provide a passcode in each book to access their Emotional Intelligence Appraisal so you can assess your strengths and weaknesses. The appraisal consists of 28 self-assessment questions in which you rate the frequency with which you exhibit certain behaviors (e.g., “Can be counted on” or “Do things you regret when you’re upset”), from “Never” to “Always”.
The advantage of the test is that it computes your answers, calculates a score from 1 to 99 for each of the four EQ components, and refers you the page of the book that talks about how to improve each area that represents a weakness for you.
The authors then arm us with the following 66 tips for improving the various dimensions of EQ, which we can read in their entirety, then select specific ones to put into practice. You’ll want to focus on only one EQ component at a time, and pick only a couple tips within that component to put into practice. If you try to simultaneously implement more than that, you probably won’t be able to focus enough to recognize the relevant emotional patterns and create new habits. This is probably the most compelling reason to take the EQ appraisal – to be able to identify which specific focus is appropriate.
Chapter 5: Self-awareness Strategies
1. Quit treating your feelings as good or bad.
2. Observe the ripple effect from your emotions.
3. Lean into your discomfort.
4. Feel your emotions physically.
5. Know who and what pushes your buttons.
6. Watch yourself like a hawk.
7. Keep a journal about your emotions.
8. Don’t be fooled by a bad mood.
9. Don’t be fooled by a good mood, either.
10. Stop and ask yourself why you do the things you do.
11. Visit your values.
12. Check yourself.
13. Spot your emotions in books, movies, and music.
14. Seek feedback.
15. Get to know yourself under stress.
Chapter 6: Self-management Strategies
1. Breathe right.
2. Create an emotion vs. reason list.
3. Make your goals public.
4. Count to ten.
5. Sleep on it.
6. Talk to a skilled self-manager.
7. Smile and laugh more.
8. Set aside some time in your day for problem solving.
9. Take control of your self-talk.
10. Visualize yourself succeeding.
11. Clean up your sleep hygiene.
12. Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than your limitations.
13. Stay synchronized.
14. Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your problem.
15. Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter.
16. Put a mental recharge into your schedule.
17. Accept that change is just around the corner.
Chapter 7: Social Awareness Strategies
1. Greet people by name.
2. Watch body language.
3. Make timing everything.
4. Develop a back-pocket question.
5. Don’t take notes at meetings.
6. Plan ahead for social gatherings.
7. Clear away the clutter.
8. Live in the moment.
9. Go on a 15-minute tour.
10. Watch EQ at the movies.
11. Practice the art of listening.
12. Go people watching.
13. Understand the rules of the culture game.
14. Test for accuracy.
15. Step into their shoes.
16. Seek the whole picture.
17. Catch the mood of the room.
Chapter 8: Relationship Management Strategies
1. Be open and be curious.
2. Enhance your natural communication style.
3. Avoid giving mixed signals.
4. Remember the little things that pack a punch.
5. Take feedback well.
6. Build trust.
7. Have an “open-door” policy.
8. Only get mad on purpose.
9. Don’t avoid the inevitable.
10. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings.
11. Complement the person’s emotions or situation.
12. When you care, show it.
13. Explain your decisions, don’t just make them.
15. Align your intention with your impact.
16. Offer a “fix-it” statement during a broken conversation.
17. Tackle a tough conversation. Tough conversations will come up no matter how high your EQ is. The authors offer a six-part approach to managing them better:
- Start the discussion with common ground.
- Ask the other person to help you understand how he or she feels.
- Don’t defend your point of view until you’ve heard the other person’s perspective.
- Then help the other person understand your side – your reasoning, your feelings, etc. Apologize, if appropriate, for the difficulty of the situation.
- Move the conversation forward once what can be said has been said. Obtain agreement on next steps.
- Follow up concerning what you’ve discussed at a later time as a means of genuinely addressing the issues.
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