Three things have the potential to change your life. Meeting Jesus, discovering your purpose, and who you marry.
A lot of people think that it's the Church, war, or government that can make this world a better place but Genesis 2:18-19 shows after God gave Adam a job; He made him a husband. So for this world to be a better place, we must focus on the families.
Who you marry will affect the rest of your life.
In Malachi 2, we see that God brings two people together so He can get a Godly seed. He has a stake in every marriage, He wants Godly children to be raised. That's His own picture and idea of how the world can become a better place.
You don't choose your parents or siblings. The only family member you choose is your spouse so; you better make that decision right.
Who should I marry? (Ten things to look out for)
1. The person must be in Christ - You must marry a fellow born-again believer. The issue is not about niceness or morality, the issue is about the nature being changed.
In Ephesians 2, it says we were by nature children of wrath. When you become born again, it's not just your actions that change but your nature. A born again person doesn't just stop committing sin; they don't want to commit sin. Even when they commit sin, they feel bad because they do not want to live like that.
Don't marry someone you will force to love God and go to Church. Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
2. The person must have character - What is their behaviour like?
Don't look at outward appearance alone.
You can't build your marriage on those things as they can't hold a marriage together.
Of course, you should marry someone you like, but looks are not enough. A woman that fears the Lord she shall be praised.
Don't just look at someone because they are beautiful or handsome, what is their character like? The Bible says " a faithful man who can find?" - Not a handsome man. The Bible says "a virtuous woman who can find?" Not a beautiful woman. Nigeria is filled with beautiful women, the one we are looking for is virtuous women, Nigeria is filled with handsome men, the one we are looking for is faithful men.
That's the one that's hard to find. What we're looking for is character. It's not everyone that's in the church that's eligible for you to marry.
A church is a hospital. We have all kinds of people in the church. Just because someone attends a church doesn't mean they're a Christian. Because you sleep in a garage doesn't make you a car.
You must check for a christ-like character. There are all kinds of people in Church. Some people are still growing in the things of God. Check their character; the person that is lying for you today will lie to you tomorrow.
He's threatening to beat you today, he will beat you tomorrow.
The guy pressuring you for sex is an adulterer in the making.
It's not about his desire for you, he lacks self-control. Is he or she impatient to marry? If they can't wait to marry and want to hurry to enter without counselling etc beforehand, they won't wait in the marriage and will come out again.
It's a lack of patience, not love.
Everything that God said you are to do in marriage He has already asked you to do as a single person.
Start living your life the God-way now. Don't wait until you get married. Marriage does not change anyone.
If God has asked you to forgive people, forgive people now.
If you've been practicing forgiveness to the person who you don't know on the street, you won't find it difficult to forgive your wife that you love.
The lady that is fighting her boss, elder brother, parents etc will fight you because it's simple... she hates authority.
3. Is there compatibility?
Check for it. Amos 3'3 says two can't walk together except they be agreed (paraphrased). If you can settle the issue of compatibility things will flow easily. Compatibility doesn't mean similarity, it just means the ability for two people to get along. One person can like to talk and the other likes to listen, which means they're compatible. On the other hand, if both people like to talk - there can be issues. Compatibility means we have certain strengths and things that complement each other. Before you marry ask "are we compatible?"
Check some basic issues like your values, do we believe the same things about life? It's not every Christian you can marry. There are some churches where women don't wear earrings while there are some, where: men wear earrings.
Check your purpose for life. Discover it before you choose a partner for life. Where are you going? Then that's what determines who is going with you. For instance, it's not everyone that should marry a pastor or a businessman. If you're going to marry a businessman you must know how to pray because they live by faith (income is not steady or guaranteed).
As an example, if you're a sister in the choir and two men called Michael want to marry you, Michael Tyson (boxer) and Michael Jackson (singer), who would you pick? Michael Jackson of course!
Marrying that kind of person will be good because he will understand your career and add impact to it.
There are many people that have gotten married and their visions and their dreams were destroyed. So make sure you marry someone that can accommodate your vision. Someone that can appreciate what you are called to do.
4. Companionship - Marry your friend. Don't make the mistake of thinking your being too close to someone means you can't marry them. A Friend is a great choice or is it your enemy you want to marry? ( Proverbs 17:17)
Friendship is one of the main things you will do in marriage. One of the main things Married people do is talk.
If there are 24hrs in a day, yes you will make love and if you do it well, it will last for 1 hour leaving 23.
Then if you're spiritual you pray for 1hr.
What will you be doing for the remaining 22hrs?
Answer: TALKING
Don't try to make your wife a friend, instead, out of your friends choose a wife.
Many people pretend when they meet a potential partner because they're under a lot of pressure already.
When you meet someone through friendship you tend to be more real because there's no pressure.
5. Capacity - before you start to choose a spouse, do you have the capacity? Marriage is not for boys, it's for men.
Marriage is not a joke. Many people crash in marriage because they entered too early. They're not ready.
Capacity simply talks about maturity. Are you ready for that decision?
Genesis 2 says "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother...."
One of the ways you can measure maturity is when you can survive on your own.
When you can leave your father and mother. It doesn't mean you won't relate with them but it means you can stand as a person on your own.
One of the things that break marital homes the most is the influence of in-laws who keep giving different advice (e.g build a house and don't tell your husband/wife" etc)
You must make sure your perspective about marriage is right. Anything they are telling you must be rooted in the word of God.
If they can't show you scripture for it don't accept it. The Bible says "Let all men be liars and God be true."
Your perspective is important because what you expect is what you accept.
Expect the best in marriage.
A perfect marriage is not between two perfect people. It's between two mature people.
Fights in marriage happen when both parties decide not to have self-restraint or act in love. It takes two to fight.
There must be spiritual maturity and financial capacity. If you don't have a job you have no business looking for a wife.
Look for a job; Nobody wants to marry a liability. There's also a wrong notion where it's assumed that men make all the money and the woman will spend it.
Some ladies say I can't marry a man who doesn't have a car and I tell them I can't marry a woman that doesn't have a car either.
There's nowhere in the Bible that says the man must provide for the home alone.
That mentality has made many women lazy where they think they don't have to do anything with their lives.
But wait for someone to come and marry them. The Bible says the woman is the helper. If you don't help the man financially where else are you helping him?
When choosing a marriage partner be careful of undue influences. Make sure you're looking for real qualities that can sustain a home. Be careful of undue influences such as men using money to woo you. The Bible says "a gift can pervert judgement..."
Also, don't beg anyone to marry you.
Marriage is a commitment. The two of you must want to go along. You can't be the person begging the man or the woman now. The journey is too far for you to start begging from now.
If the man or woman doesn't appreciate you enough to marry you let them go. Someone who appreciates you will come.
Don't use sex to try and hold a man or a woman.
Sex before marriage is a sin and if introduced can affect your judgement. You won't choose right.
Pastor Kingsley: "We've run out of time. To see the other five you'll have to get the book."
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